"I want it all!"
Yeah, Sharpay from High School Musical sang those words back in the day. I said them, too. Not out loud, but mentally.
Every Sunday I went to church, I left disappointed. I wanted more, but I didn't want the commitment. That Sunday-only mentality was a hugely flawed system, as I have recently learned!
Last year, I found a Bible study women's group that was a great fit. I started to see glimpses of what it could be like to know people during and outside of church, but my mistake was going to a Bible study in one organization and church through a different group. They didn't match; although I received great information from both, the topics and people did not align.
That system did not work with my schedule this past fall, which put me into a weird category of kinda-churchgoer-kinda-not. It was hit or miss if I made it.
Well, that had to change when I realized I was in desperate need of someone to lean on this past February! (check out Spongebob Isn't the Only One Hitting Rock Bottom post). I was feeling lonely, rejected, and isolated at times and the best thing I could come up with to do in response was start looking for some new Christian friends. I had no idea what God would bless me with when I took the plunge and got re-connected at a church, so thank goodness He led me to make this decision!
Tonight, I was reaffirmed that my thoughts earlier this year of feeling disappointed at church were actually a sign I needed to get more involved. I wanted to know people and have people to talk with about the services, but I was only making room for church activities on Sunday. I was a hit-or-miss follower of Christ, only making it important when convenient.
Christ calls us to follow Him at all times and to have fellowship with other believers, not just on Sunday, but as much as possible:
"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching." -Hebrews 10:24-25
I think my experience of now feeling incredibly welcomed, appreciated, and accepted is a great comparison for me. I now look forward to church and my Lifegroup. I've truly seen this as a learning experience for myself on the importance of getting plugged in completely. We can only fully experience the fellowship God desires for us to have if we make it a priority. I hope some of my readers can learn from my mistake. I pray that you all can experience the joy of being connected to a church and to other believers, much earlier on in your walk than I experienced!
This title has been on my mind for a few weeks, but I haven't felt that my thoughts were developed enough to write until tonight. Disclaimer- The beginning of this post may seem dreadfully negative and disheartening. I promise there is a turnaround by the end!
Today, I experienced a few negative emotions that are what caused the idea of picking teams to pop into my head in the first place. I felt rejected. I felt offended. I felt backstabbed.
Picking teams seems like it should be a thing of childhood, a part of the games of gym class. However, people never cease to amaze me nowadays and I can honestly say I've seen some social team-picking here on the college campus. It's not fun to start being the last person picked on the team, especially when you have respect and trust in the people picking teams. It took me quite a while to come to peace with the fact that I had been dropped from one group and new people wanted me on their team: new friends, a new Bible study, and a new sorority. It was uncomfortable, risky, and scary for a slightly introverted person like me to branch out and seek new relationships. I fought feelings of inadequacy, taking the sudden lack of friends personally and thinking of it as a reflection of myself. I think a lot of people experience times like this, whether it be with a break-up, a failing friendship, or a challenging co-worker.
Tonight there was a conference at which I witnessed and experienced additional social team-picking. Cliques of people sitting together during the snack break. People walking past acquaintances as if they don't exist, ignoring them and pushing forward to give a cheerful greeting to more popular friends. Groups chuckling together at extremist and religious speakers during the controversial documentary "Indoctrination". People, in my perspective, love to have other people on their team. They seek that feeling of acceptance, sometimes even if it excludes, disrespects, or offends another person in the process.
Seeing, hearing, and experiencing that exclusion breaks my heart, but glory to God, those emotions passed with a quick prayer and a moment of reflection. Unlike a few weeks ago, tonight I was able to let those feelings of hurt, anger, and frustration dissipate. Rolled eyes, disrespectful laughter, and ignored pass-by were not enough for me to lose my cool.
So what was the difference? Why was seeing people pick teams, rather than acting respectfully and friendly, not enough to make me lose my temper?
I think the difference can only be answered with one word: Jesus.
The important thing to remember is that life isn't about picking our own teams. It isn't about me taking action by forming my own team against those people. It isn't about feeling hurt and isolated when no one wants someone on their team.
It's all about Jesus. He wants us to pick Him and to help put everyone on His team. He will always accept us and we are never alone; Christ is with us always.
Christ clearly stated His greatest commandments:
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself." -Matthew 22:37-39
Loving Christ and loving our neighbor means giving them grace. Even when it seems contrary to our gut instincts to lash out in anger or frustration, we should be loving our neighbors with patience, the way Christ loves us. Life isn't about picking teams and making people feel excluded or judged. It's all about showing others the way to unconditional acceptance in Christ, the same acceptance we desire for ourselves.
As a young child, I remember the terrifying scene in the Spongebob 3D ride at Paramount's King's Island in which Spongebob dives uncontrollably into the depths of "Rock Bottom". There is unanticipated complete darkness and the ride jerks little children every which way as yelps and squeals erupt throughout the theater. I'd quickly remove my 3D glasses for some relief from the chaos, only to find that my seat was still rocking and the scary "Rock Bottom" creatures, although blurry, could still be seen on screen.
That is exactly how I've felt for the past three weeks.
Rejection is a terrible feeling to experience. It damages feelings of self worth, increases feelings of anger, and ultimately made me feel as though my life was spiraling out of control. Who would I spend time with? What would my future look like? Did anyone out there even like me? Those types of doubts broke into my peaceful mind and eliminated all feelings of peace.
Praise be to God, those types of feelings and doubts don't have to be reality. Yeah, "Rock Bottom" is an ugly place. It's dark, scary, and lonely. However, those thoughts are a trick. Satan knows an easy way for a college-aged Christian to falter is through social isolation and negative thoughts, but falling for those lies does not have to be reality.
When I was feeling lonely, there was always a caring family member, an old friend, or a member of the local church to pull my spirits out of "Rock Bottom".
When I was doubting my worth, there was always a Bible verse reminding me of my beauty in God's eyes.
When I was afraid of where the future would take me, there was always a promise that God had an amazing plan for my life.
No matter how bad I felt, Christ was always providing everything I could need to handle the situation with grace and forgiveness. It was up to me to choose if I would take Him up on that opportunity.
Hitting "Rock Bottom" is what it took for me to reexamine my efforts towards pursuing a relationship with Christ. That might be your situation, but even if it is not, we can all relate to having moments of feeling disappointed, excluded, and undesirable. From here forward, I challenge myself and my readers to take those moments that can temptingly trick us into visiting "Rock Bottom" and to refocus on what God says about our value and purpose.
A verse that I continually reflect on when I have doubts is Psalm 139:14.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." -Psalm 139:14
God has created all of us with the utmost care. We are not created to be pitiful-- we are created to be WONDERFUL! Christ wants us to form a relationship with Him and to share His love with others. Next time you find yourself heading towards "Rock Bottom", take a moment to praise God and realize that He works the negative moments of life into wonderful opportunities, if only we let Him.
God didn't design us for a "Rock Bottom" quality of life. He is always with us and continually working life out for the good of His kingdom.
