A Miracle, A New Week, A Crazy Life

A Miracle.

That's all you can call it! As my Facebook friends and close family are aware, my grandpa needed all the prayers he could get last Friday. First thing that morning, my grandma found him unresponsive and not wearing his oxygen mask. Soon, emergency medical staff learned he had an incredibly low sugar level and were asking for a copy of his living will. 

I'd rather not share all the details of this stressful time, but I do want to thank everyone for their prayers. My grandpa should not have lived when the episode is examined in a logical sense; nevertheless, God trumps all medical and worldly ways and He gave my grandpa another chance at life! Today, Grandpa left the hospital!

A New Week.

I am so thankful for a fresh start this week. Last week, there were several curveballs thrown my family's way. As I was attempting to get recurring anxiety and depression symptoms in check, we found out my dad will be in need of a new job due to outsourcing. Add Grandpa's situation to the mix and you have the definition of stress! 

God truly placed His healing hands on our trials last week. He provided encouragement through thoughtful gestures from several of my friends. He gave my dad the resources needed to start the job hunt. He ultimately saved my grandpa's life. All in all, those trials have become a huge testimony of God's power, strength, and grace.

A Crazy Life.

When I look back on the past few months, it's easy to say I've had a pretty crazy life. Crazy good. God has done so much work in my heart and mind. In a short amount of time, He turned my struggles into an opportunity to rest in His presence. I am grateful for the new friendships and experiences He has provided. I am also looking forward to where He takes me as I finish summer and enter my third year of college!

God has been teaching me the real-life application of the following scripture:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4

I hope to keep this passage in mind as I face future trials. Life can get crazy, but with God by our side it can be crazy good.

Not Immune

Completely, utterly surrounded. Fans cheering for God more than for the top-chart singers. People raising their hands in worship. Friendly smiles exchanged among strangers. Tents full of charity efforts.

All of that Christianity enveloped me, yet I still sinned.

Yes, I'm a sinner. And yes, I sinned at a Christian event.

Despite the Christ-focused efforts that might be at our fingertips, a spiritual and holy atmosphere is not enough to make us immune to sin. It creeps under our skin the second we say "yes" to a temptation, whether it be with a quick temper or a lustful glance. In my case, all it took were some unkind and snappy remarks to my family. Jesus was in my heart and I'd said "yes" to Him long ago; nevertheless, I was not and will not be immune to temptations that lead to sin.

This past weekend, I had the chance to check out contemporary Christian music at Spiritsong with some of my family. We just might fall into the category of overenthusiastic fans, considering our homemade signs, glowsticks (not pictured), and TobyMac t-shirts. :)

If we went by that picture, it would be safe to say that every aspect of the experience was centered around enjoying time together and cheering for some great music. However, this photo doesn't tell the full story. 

Not even a few hours before this picture was taken, I let some anxiety get the best of me and took it out on my family. I was grumpy, made remarks that were inconsiderate, and was intolerant of anything that did not fit into my mold of what was right or wrong. They were incredibly supportive and the environment was as positive as can be, yet my urge to have a bad attitude towards my family members came to fruition. 

Thankfully, I came to realize my mistake and apologized. We enjoyed the rest of our time together and I feel that the concert revived my inner fire for following Christ.  

My hope would be that we take this example and apply it to other parts of our lives. No matter where we are, we cannot assume temptations will not get the best of us or that we no longer need to make a conscious effort to make godly choices. Whether we be walking through the doors of a church, serving in the mission field, spending time with other Christians, or having a presence in some sort of religiously-affiliated place, we must remember that we are not immune to sin. 

Christ must be on our mind and in our hearts at all times. Even when we are in places that seem to pour out His goodness, we must remember that we are still in need of His love, grace, and forgiveness. No environment can make us the "perfect" Christian and that is not a concept of which to be ashamed. We are all in need of the perfect sacrifice, Jesus, to account for our imperfect selves! 

Have a good night, dearest readers, and remember how much He loves you!

Rain or shine, God will provide!

Whether it be money or free time, I know God will provide through the wacky weather we've had this summer!

I was in a funk for the past few days, but thanks to my wonderful mother's words of truth, I am out of it now! After four days straight of no work, I was feeling really anxious and worried about the size of my upcoming paycheck. I was initially thrilled to have easily found a job for this summer. However, those initial feelings of excitement turned into confusion quite quickly! What did God have in mind by making it pour buckets of rain just one week into the job? The weather shut down opportunities to work in the local waterpark for multiple days in a row. Would this become a trend for the rest of the summer? 

I panicked and started searching for second jobs, different workplaces, online/at-home jobs, and even different positions within my current workplace. I tried anything and everything I could to fight back against the rain's attempt to keep me out of work. Thank goodness Mom stepped in at that point to set me straight! She reminded me that all would work out fine in the end. Mom eased my fears of not being financially stable and provided hope for better weather and time to pick up additional shifts the rest of the summer. 

I now realize the rain may not have been what I had envisioned, but it is exactly what God had in mind. Although He wasn't going to make it rain money, He certainly provided just what I needed to grow as a friend and a member of my family. I had the time to text and spend time with friends with which I had lost touch, the opportunity to play a long game of Monopoly after an evening at the pool with my sister, and enough of a break in the rain to go on a leisurely walk with my mom. 

Those experiences mean more than the dollar bills I could have earned in that time. God truly has a plan and knows what is best for us. He might not be providing the money I expected, but I know He will take care of me.

Scripture reminds us that we can always trust in God's timing and plan. 

"The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest." -Psalm 85:12

"He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he." -Deuteronomy 32:4

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." -Psalm 55:22

I might not be seeing money now, but I am going to choose to rejoice in what I am being given in this time! God is going to care for us and bring glory to His kingdom in whatever way He chooses. We might not always understand, but we can trust that He will provide!

"Graduation", for now

Good Afternoon and Happy Monday!

I've gone back and forth about sharing an exciting moment from my past few weeks, but today I decided to go with it and write a post!

I hope by sharing openly about mental health I can be a witness to Christ's goodness and can encourage others to pursue emotional and psychological healing through the resources He provides for us. Although it is sometimes taboo in our society to discuss mental illness, I think the only way to make progress in helping people to heal is to be transparent, understanding, and supportive by addressing these issues.

Some of you may not know that last July I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder. Although I've always been a worrier and had anxious tendencies, last summer was the last straw where I realized those tendencies were overtaking my life and ruining relationships with family members. God bless them all for putting up with my snappy outbursts, panic attacks, fatigued and grouchy moods, and tears at every little disagreement!

After diagnosis, I decided there were two main options for dealing with these unpleasant mood swings and my feelings of low self-worth and guilt: ignore the issues or get help. I chose the latter.

However, this choice was not as simple as get some medication and think happy thoughts. In fact, the consequences of the choice to get help sometimes caused more stress than the anxiety itself! I had to make counseling and psychiatrist appointments a priority, decrease my involvement in extracurricular activities, temporarily eliminate caffeine (it can increase anxious feelings), make time to decrease stress through reading and exercise, and increase my time spent processing negative thoughts (therapy can bring up some pretty uncomfortable topics!). 

There were times where I freaked out and thought my life would be forever ruined by anxiety. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle myself, let alone be able to have and support a family of my own someday. Depression can bring some ugly thoughts and can make life seem hopeless.

Through Christ, I saw these hopeless moments turn into new opportunities. On Friday, April 4, He brought some major excitement to my spring and made me realize just how far He pushed me towards being a more relaxed and joyful person-- I graduated from counseling! 

"Graduation" might be a stretch as far as terminology goes (I think the technical term is I am "terminated" from the counseling program), but that is what it felt like! Hearing the words "I think you met all of your goals for counseling" was music to my ears. I am continually amazed to have made so much progress in such a short amount of time. Although there were some great counselors, doctors, and family members in the process, I know that the most significant factor in my healing was God's grace. 

The scariest part of anxiety and depression is that there tends to be a recurrence throughout one's life, depending on situational triggers and genetic predispositions. That thought used to really terrify me, but now I am realizing that if God brought me through it once, He can do it again. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to a more joyful life with less anxiety and negativity. Even if there is a recurrence down the road, Christ will provide all of the resources I need to see myself the way He sees me and to cast all of my cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7). 

As for now, I am going to enjoy my "graduation" and embrace the new habits of anxiety-free living. I hope and pray that this post comes as encouragement to anyone dealing with mental health issues. God will and does provide!