Hello Readers!
I spent most of my Wednesday doing what I love most about being an education major-- assisting and observing in a kindergarten classroom! The children are always so gracious in their offerings of hugs, drawings, and giggles. I usually leave feeling really relaxed and at peace that teaching young children is what I want to do with my life. Today, however, left me with a lot more to think about.
Am I actually prepared for the situations my students are going to present? Can I really handle a classroom full of energetic bodies that can't seem to stop bouncing from their seats and sliding down to play under the tables? Do I really have the patience for early childhood students who like to push boundaries and who are not quick to grasp concepts?
I had the opportunity to lead the writing time for a solid 45 minutes. Every time the teacher peeked into the room to get another student for an assessment, she complimented how quiet and focused they were. She saw what I was missing; the majority of the class was being productive and gaining great practice in writing. I was simply distracted by the few students who decided today was the day to test Miss Sara's patience!
One student in particular made it so easy to become frustrated. The prompt was to write about what was played at recess. The student's dramatic and loud response..."I did nothing at recess!". Eventually, this led to the paper being thrown on the floor and a refusal to do any work. I had to raise my voice with the student, in addition to moving the student to a different table away from the others, plus moving down on the behavior chart. These are not aspects of classroom management I enjoy or am proud of doing, but there was no other option in this case!
Keep in mind, all during this episode, there were a handful of students tattle-telling on each other for various reasons. There was also a student playing "hide under the table" instead of doing work. Then, a handful of gifted and talented students waved their hands frantically out of boredom because they were finished and wanted the teacher to give them more work to do. As if that wasn't enough, several other hands were held in the air because help was needed sounding out words and thinking of ideas. Good golly, talk about needing an extra set of eyes and hands!
Despite the tears from the student refusing to do work and the chaos that seemed to surround the incident, I managed to pull everyone through the assignment. All of them wrote at least one sentence and illustrated their recess activities. Overall, you could say the lesson was a success!
But the story doesn't stop there. The reason today will stick with me wasn't the struggle of classroom management. Those are skills that will be learned with more practice.
The true struggle from today's experience is feeling comfortable with my attitude towards the difficult student. The back story to all of this is that earlier in the day, the student shared with the class frustrations of not spending time with a father figure.
Here I am, losing my patience, with a child who clearly expressed he just needs to feel and experience some unconditional love.
Do I even have the right mindset to be an effective, loving teacher?
That is a huge question that I can only pray God will answer. Maybe my doubts are unwarranted, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, and most likely my career choice will work out fine. I'm sticking with my choice for now in hopes that this is the circumstance.
Nonetheless, I still think it is incredibly important to pray and reflect on having the right mindset in pursuit of any path we intend to take. Skills can be learned, but a mindset is a whole different ordeal. Only Christ can bless us with the perspective we need to see our roles on Earth in the way He sees them. I can try all I want to be a good teacher, but if I am not leaning on Christ to give me the perspective to truly love and help children with patience and compassion, the work is not going to be effective.
Although teaching may not directly be a religiously-affiliated task, I learned today how important my faith will be in pursuing and maintaining a career as a teacher. In the next few years of preparation, I will be continually praying for God to show His intentions for my career, including the mindset He wants me to have in working with young children.
Good Afternoon and Happy Monday!
I've gone back and forth about sharing an exciting moment from my past few weeks, but today I decided to go with it and write a post!
I hope by sharing openly about mental health I can be a witness to Christ's goodness and can encourage others to pursue emotional and psychological healing through the resources He provides for us. Although it is sometimes taboo in our society to discuss mental illness, I think the only way to make progress in helping people to heal is to be transparent, understanding, and supportive by addressing these issues.
Some of you may not know that last July I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder. Although I've always been a worrier and had anxious tendencies, last summer was the last straw where I realized those tendencies were overtaking my life and ruining relationships with family members. God bless them all for putting up with my snappy outbursts, panic attacks, fatigued and grouchy moods, and tears at every little disagreement!
After diagnosis, I decided there were two main options for dealing with these unpleasant mood swings and my feelings of low self-worth and guilt: ignore the issues or get help. I chose the latter.
However, this choice was not as simple as get some medication and think happy thoughts. In fact, the consequences of the choice to get help sometimes caused more stress than the anxiety itself! I had to make counseling and psychiatrist appointments a priority, decrease my involvement in extracurricular activities, temporarily eliminate caffeine (it can increase anxious feelings), make time to decrease stress through reading and exercise, and increase my time spent processing negative thoughts (therapy can bring up some pretty uncomfortable topics!).
There were times where I freaked out and thought my life would be forever ruined by anxiety. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle myself, let alone be able to have and support a family of my own someday. Depression can bring some ugly thoughts and can make life seem hopeless.
Through Christ, I saw these hopeless moments turn into new opportunities. On Friday, April 4, He brought some major excitement to my spring and made me realize just how far He pushed me towards being a more relaxed and joyful person-- I graduated from counseling!
"Graduation" might be a stretch as far as terminology goes (I think the technical term is I am "terminated" from the counseling program), but that is what it felt like! Hearing the words "I think you met all of your goals for counseling" was music to my ears. I am continually amazed to have made so much progress in such a short amount of time. Although there were some great counselors, doctors, and family members in the process, I know that the most significant factor in my healing was God's grace.
The scariest part of anxiety and depression is that there tends to be a recurrence throughout one's life, depending on situational triggers and genetic predispositions. That thought used to really terrify me, but now I am realizing that if God brought me through it once, He can do it again. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to a more joyful life with less anxiety and negativity. Even if there is a recurrence down the road, Christ will provide all of the resources I need to see myself the way He sees me and to cast all of my cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7).
As for now, I am going to enjoy my "graduation" and embrace the new habits of anxiety-free living. I hope and pray that this post comes as encouragement to anyone dealing with mental health issues. God will and does provide!
Hello Readers!
It's been a while since I've blogged, so I figured it is about time I get you all caught up on the happenings of the past few days! Here are the Fab 5 moments from this past weekend:
1-Sibs-n-Kids Weekend
I had the opportunity to spend some time with family with a visit from my sister, neighbor, and parents. My college was hosting Sibs-n-Kids Weekend, which meant a bunch of fun activities: exotic animal petting, photo booths, inflatables, and more!
2- Best Friend Photos
I received the photos from when Caitlyn visited! The "Best Friend Photo Shoot" was really enjoyable and Melissa did a great job. Here are a few favorites!
3- Productivity
I buckled down on Saturday night and Sunday afternoon and managed to complete two projects! I'm praying my motivation levels stay this high as the semester draws to a close.
4- Baby Time
This morning, I had the opportunity to watch some of the babies at church. Spending time with these little blessings was so enjoyable!
5- Palm Sunday Service
Today was Palm Sunday, which meant the children at church had a blast running around with palm leaves and making paper donkey crafts. Seeing the joy on their faces reminded me of how much of a blessing it is to have Jesus as our Lord and Savior! Palm Sunday is a great time to reflect on where you are in your walk with God and I recommend reading this story in your Bible in preparation for Easter. One aspect in particular that stuck out to me was that Jesus cried after people praised Him by yelling "Hosanna!" and waving the palm branches (Luke 19:41). From the church service, I now realize Jesus was crying due to the lack of genuine commitment from the people praising Him. Christ wants our full commitment to doing His will, on more than just a special occasion like the situation of the crowd in the story of Palm Sunday.
Hope your weekend was filled with joyful moments and some reflection in preparation for Easter!
A few days ago, I was reading Romans 6 and verses 10-14 really stuck out to me. They are:
"The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life, and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." -Romans 6:10-14
That's a hefty set of scripture! I highly recommend reading the entire chapter for more insight, but these verses in particular are a good reference for today's scripture study and for throughout your day-to-day life. Here are the main points I pulled from the passage:
a) The big idea- Jesus died for us! We no longer have to live under the weight of our sins because Christ carries that burden for us. His grace is forgiving of all sin and He wants us to use our freedom from sin to be instruments of His goodness.
b) A thought to take with you- College can be an especially tempting time to use our bodies for wickedness. There are so many opportunities to fall into the trap of saying things, doing things, and thinking things that are sinful. We need to remember that Christ can free us from the guilt and pressure these sins can place upon us and that He gives us grace and power to use our lives for His purposes, starting from the moment we ask forgiveness.
c) A question for you to consider- Have you accepted Christ's grace for freedom from your sins so that you can use your body as an instrument of righteousness?
I pray that this scripture provides some food for thought. Thanks for sharing a few minutes with me in studying God's word!
Meet my new roomie, Simon! He goes by "Si" for short (yes, this is a Duck Dynasty reference because Si is old, wise, and funny). He is a beautiful little betta fish, but I'd like to share him with you all as being my fun new therapy fish!
As you may have read in some of my earlier posts, I've had some outbursts of anger out of disappointment and frustration over the past few weeks. Before that "rock bottom" hit, I was also dealing with anxiety and worry overtaking my life-- probably a problem more people have than they'd like to admit! Worry, anger, and frustration are not fun and are not what God intended for us so it has been my goal to eliminate those feelings as much as possible.
Even though those were really negative parts of my year, have no fear, I'm doing a lot better now! Nevertheless, I know it is going to take a lot of effort to keep using my energy in positive ways and Simon the therapy fish is going to be my reminder to keep my cool.
I'm not normally a fish person, as many of my family members and friends know. Germs = gross, cleaning fish tanks = nasty, and pet maintenance = no fun. Little Simon, however, could not be passed up when the idea to get a fish popped in my head. Not only is a pet the perfect listener of this world, but Simon the fish is a nice peaceful shade of blue and a betta is a strong, hardy fish that can withstand a lot of trial and tribulation! Those are some traits I want in my life and having him on my desk just might be the reminder I need sometimes!
So from here forward, if I'm in a cranky, unholy, and just plain bitter mood, you are perfectly welcome to send me to have a "sit down and stare at Simon" session.
I hope and pray that when I have my "sit down and stare at Simon" moments, those are times that I realize I truly need to "sit down and chat with God". Because while Simon is a nice little fish and a great listener, the most perfect listener is Jesus!
Stay tuned for more Simon appearances (maybe the sit down and stare sessions will lead me to some new insight!), but more importantly, stay tuned for God to show you some nontraditional ways to connect with Him in your life!
