A Miracle, A New Week, A Crazy Life

A Miracle.

That's all you can call it! As my Facebook friends and close family are aware, my grandpa needed all the prayers he could get last Friday. First thing that morning, my grandma found him unresponsive and not wearing his oxygen mask. Soon, emergency medical staff learned he had an incredibly low sugar level and were asking for a copy of his living will. 

I'd rather not share all the details of this stressful time, but I do want to thank everyone for their prayers. My grandpa should not have lived when the episode is examined in a logical sense; nevertheless, God trumps all medical and worldly ways and He gave my grandpa another chance at life! Today, Grandpa left the hospital!

A New Week.

I am so thankful for a fresh start this week. Last week, there were several curveballs thrown my family's way. As I was attempting to get recurring anxiety and depression symptoms in check, we found out my dad will be in need of a new job due to outsourcing. Add Grandpa's situation to the mix and you have the definition of stress! 

God truly placed His healing hands on our trials last week. He provided encouragement through thoughtful gestures from several of my friends. He gave my dad the resources needed to start the job hunt. He ultimately saved my grandpa's life. All in all, those trials have become a huge testimony of God's power, strength, and grace.

A Crazy Life.

When I look back on the past few months, it's easy to say I've had a pretty crazy life. Crazy good. God has done so much work in my heart and mind. In a short amount of time, He turned my struggles into an opportunity to rest in His presence. I am grateful for the new friendships and experiences He has provided. I am also looking forward to where He takes me as I finish summer and enter my third year of college!

God has been teaching me the real-life application of the following scripture:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4

I hope to keep this passage in mind as I face future trials. Life can get crazy, but with God by our side it can be crazy good.

Just a Little Dream Come True

As I reflect on the past few months, I sit in awe of God's grace and power. Throughout my time as a Christian teenager, I had always thought it would be cool to be in a small group. Not just any small group-- one in which the people were genuine, honest, and supportive of each other. The sad part of this desire, however, was that I never really expected it to come to fruition. I had never seen an opportunity where I had enough courage to pursue joining a group, enough availability in my schedule to physically make it happen, or enough proof that a group would be a good fit. I had not found my niche in the church-world and was left with a mindset of "if it happens, great; if not, oh well." 

But God did not let me stop there! He gave me not one, but three small groups! Between my lifegroup at school, my Christian service sorority, and my recently-joined summer small group, I think God has made a point that He gives us desires with the intent to fulfill them, as long as they are honorable in His eyes. 

"Not one of all the Lord's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled." -Joshua 21:45

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another-- and all the more as you see the Day approaching." -Hebrews 10:23-25

Scripture tells us this truth, but sometimes it takes some poking, prodding, and leading from the Holy Spirit to allow that truth to clearly show up in our lives. I feel so blessed and thankful that God gave me these opportunities to have fellowship with other Christians. Additionally, I am excited to see how He is using these groups to strengthen and deepen my maturity in my faith. 

God gives us life to the full when we live it for and with Him. I pray that you see His blessings in your life and allow Him to form a relationship with you! 

"Graduation", for now

Good Afternoon and Happy Monday!

I've gone back and forth about sharing an exciting moment from my past few weeks, but today I decided to go with it and write a post!

I hope by sharing openly about mental health I can be a witness to Christ's goodness and can encourage others to pursue emotional and psychological healing through the resources He provides for us. Although it is sometimes taboo in our society to discuss mental illness, I think the only way to make progress in helping people to heal is to be transparent, understanding, and supportive by addressing these issues.

Some of you may not know that last July I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder. Although I've always been a worrier and had anxious tendencies, last summer was the last straw where I realized those tendencies were overtaking my life and ruining relationships with family members. God bless them all for putting up with my snappy outbursts, panic attacks, fatigued and grouchy moods, and tears at every little disagreement!

After diagnosis, I decided there were two main options for dealing with these unpleasant mood swings and my feelings of low self-worth and guilt: ignore the issues or get help. I chose the latter.

However, this choice was not as simple as get some medication and think happy thoughts. In fact, the consequences of the choice to get help sometimes caused more stress than the anxiety itself! I had to make counseling and psychiatrist appointments a priority, decrease my involvement in extracurricular activities, temporarily eliminate caffeine (it can increase anxious feelings), make time to decrease stress through reading and exercise, and increase my time spent processing negative thoughts (therapy can bring up some pretty uncomfortable topics!). 

There were times where I freaked out and thought my life would be forever ruined by anxiety. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle myself, let alone be able to have and support a family of my own someday. Depression can bring some ugly thoughts and can make life seem hopeless.

Through Christ, I saw these hopeless moments turn into new opportunities. On Friday, April 4, He brought some major excitement to my spring and made me realize just how far He pushed me towards being a more relaxed and joyful person-- I graduated from counseling! 

"Graduation" might be a stretch as far as terminology goes (I think the technical term is I am "terminated" from the counseling program), but that is what it felt like! Hearing the words "I think you met all of your goals for counseling" was music to my ears. I am continually amazed to have made so much progress in such a short amount of time. Although there were some great counselors, doctors, and family members in the process, I know that the most significant factor in my healing was God's grace. 

The scariest part of anxiety and depression is that there tends to be a recurrence throughout one's life, depending on situational triggers and genetic predispositions. That thought used to really terrify me, but now I am realizing that if God brought me through it once, He can do it again. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to a more joyful life with less anxiety and negativity. Even if there is a recurrence down the road, Christ will provide all of the resources I need to see myself the way He sees me and to cast all of my cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7). 

As for now, I am going to enjoy my "graduation" and embrace the new habits of anxiety-free living. I hope and pray that this post comes as encouragement to anyone dealing with mental health issues. God will and does provide!

Coffee Date Link-Up: Happiness in the Now

Hello Readers!

I came across a cool idea in the blogging world, a link-up! Rachel from Oh Simple Thoughts invited her readers to join her in a posting called a Coffee Date Link-Up, which I found through a blogger I know from high school, Megan. Check out Rachel or Megan's posts by clicking the links on their names, they have some great insight! 

The whole concept behind these posts is to share what would be typically shared during a coffee date with a close friend. This might include those talks that seem to go on for hours, where vulnerability isn't a worry and the truth comes out.

Here's where my virtual coffee date begins...

I am taking a break from caffeinated beverages, so I'm sharing while drinking some Vitamin Water and eating some chocolate covered pretzels. Not a traditional coffee date, but I hope you won't mind :) Grab something tasty and take some time to share your coffee date with me, too, via comments or in person!

Here's my latest truth, which is actually a realization as of today. I'm having moments where I struggle to find happiness in the now.

I have times where I know my life is great, where I am completely content and fulfilled in God's present blessings. Yet, as I'm sure some of you can relate, we reside in a culture of wanting more and living for the future. I find my mind wandering to thoughts of where my life will be someday and become drawn to the idea that life later on will be better than college life now.

These are the moments where I just want to skip ahead about twenty steps and have a career, settle down with a husband, have some children, and live in a cute little house in a nice neighborhood. 

Sure, I love life now. I have great friends, a supportive family, and a fairly solid relationship with God. But no matter how much I love life now, I forget to embrace and enact that appreciation sometimes, as ridiculous as that may seem. I become incredibly impatient and find myself rereading verses about trusting in the Lord's timing to try to recommit myself to appreciating the present. It can be a constant struggle to find contentment, especially when the culture around us presses for us to think and plan ahead. 

As a result, I honestly do not have a cure-all or instant fix for the contentment issue. It's complex, plus the potential solutions are easier said than done, as are most challenges presented to the person of faith. I know for a fact that raising up prayers to Him and following His guidance will place me closer to finding joy in the everyday. Taking this step of prayer is definitely a step in the right direction, even if it does not always instantaneously fix our problems. However, the steps after those prayers are where I am realizing more and more that I need to lean on Christ. Thankfully, through God we can do anything, so finding joy and contentment isn't a lost cause. The process will not be easy, but it is possible.

If you relate to any of the thoughts shared through this brief, kinda-sorta-coffee-date, I hope you can find some comfort in the truths below.

Jesus knows the path ahead of us: 

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." -Psalm 16:8

Christ has intended for us to find joy in the everyday, not because we understand His plans, but simply because we are blessed with a relationship with Him:

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in his toil-- this is the gift of God." -Ecclesiastes 3:11-13

God does not want us to worry about what we will have in the future because He will take care of us:

"Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?" -Luke 12:23-26

Christ wants us to love, trust, and appreciate our relationship with Him and to seek Him above all earthly things. We can have faith that His timing is perfect and draw close to Him when we become impatient. 

Let Jesus worry about your future for you and join me as I work towards contentment and finding happiness in the now! Christ can bring the ultimate joy. When life isn't perfect, He is still behind the scenes working for good.

Click Here

Haha, gotcha!

Unlike all of the "click here" advertisements all over the internet, this "click here" does not get you instantly scammed, a free cruise or a romantic match made in heaven.

When Christ calls us to follow Him, though, it is kind of like a "click here". You never know exactly what you are going to experience! 

Faith is centered around the idea that we do not know what Jesus is going to do in our life and we do not know all of the answers. All we know is that He cares for us and will not let us down.

I was reading Psalm 13 last night and the scripture really resonated with this idea that faith can be tested, but that God holds true to His promises. Check it out:

"'How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." 
-Psalm 13

Whew, I don't know about you, but I sure have felt that way sometimes! God does not always make His plans clear and sometimes we may feel distant. Following Christ is not promised to be easy, but no matter how distant or confused we feel at a moment in time, faith tells us to trust in His unfailing love. 

Trust in Christ's love for you and take the plunge; click into His path and follow His ways and He will care for you! Many times, His plans will surpass anything you could have even imagined for yourself!

Flawed System: The Sunday-Only Mentality

"I want it all!" 

Yeah, Sharpay from High School Musical sang those words back in the day. I said them, too. Not out loud, but mentally.

Every Sunday I went to church, I left disappointed. I wanted more, but I didn't want the commitment. That Sunday-only mentality was a hugely flawed system, as I have recently learned!

Last year, I found a Bible study women's group that was a great fit. I started to see glimpses of what it could be like to know people during and outside of church, but my mistake was going to a Bible study in one organization and church through a different group. They didn't match; although I received great information from both, the topics and people did not align.

That system did not work with my schedule this past fall, which put me into a weird category of kinda-churchgoer-kinda-not. It was hit or miss if I made it.

Well, that had to change when I realized I was in desperate need of someone to lean on this past February! (check out Spongebob Isn't the Only One Hitting Rock Bottom post). I was feeling lonely, rejected, and isolated at times and the best thing I could come up with to do in response was start looking for some new Christian friends. I had no idea what God would bless me with when I took the plunge and got re-connected at a church, so thank goodness He led me to make this decision!

Tonight, I was reaffirmed that my thoughts earlier this year of feeling disappointed at church were actually a sign I needed to get more involved. I wanted to know people and have people to talk with about the services, but I was only making room for church activities on Sunday. I was a hit-or-miss follower of Christ, only making it important when convenient.

Christ calls us to follow Him at all times and to have fellowship with other believers, not just on Sunday, but as much as possible:

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching." -Hebrews 10:24-25

I think my experience of now feeling incredibly welcomed, appreciated, and accepted is a great comparison for me. I now look forward to church and my Lifegroup. I've truly seen this as a learning experience for myself on the importance of getting plugged in completely. We can only fully experience the fellowship God desires for us to have if we make it a priority. I hope some of my readers can learn from my mistake. I pray that you all can experience the joy of being connected to a church and to other believers, much earlier on in your walk than I experienced!

The Big Fat Lie, aka "Forever Alone"

I used to think it. I have heard at least three different friends say it in the past year. I'm pretty sure advertisements for online dating sites and apps support the trend I've started to notice. There are an awful lot of people thinking they will be "forever alone" and that they need to do something to make their terrible fate change.

Just like how God knows how to push our buttons to move us to do and think positively, Satan knows how to poke and prod at our nerves to make us do and think negatively.

He makes us forget that God will make all of His promises and goodness clear within His own timing. He has a plan for our life, with meaningful and necessary timing worthy of our patience:

"He has made everything beautiful in its time..." -Ecclesiastes 3:11

Regardless of if it applies to being alone in a romantic sense or in a friendship sense, eternal loneliness is what I've deemed to be the "big fat lie" Satan places in our mindsets. God is always with us and is always leading us down a path He has created especially for us, yet Satan is really skilled at planting thoughts of inadequacy and isolation into our brains. Next time you sense Satan placing one of these feelings of loneliness into your life, take note:

Life with God = Life without Loneliness

Not going to lie to you all, though, that is a concept much easier said than done. Nights sitting alone, school dances without a date, exclusion from social invitations, and other experiences people might have in this category seem to only encourage the "big fat lie". The physical loneliness makes it easy to forget that we are never alone spiritually. Feeling the hurt of being excluded or uninvited can make us feel unworthy of love and can make it seem that God doesn't have a significant other or friendships in our plan.

There are a lot of smaller elements that lead to difficulty with accepting, believing, and trusting Christ's truth that He has plans for our futures in relationships. Here is just a short list of the mini-lies that play into Satan's "forever alone" trap, in no particular order, along with some of God's word to counter them:

Mini-lie 1:
I must have misunderstood God or He lied to me. He placed a desire for a significant other, a future family, or a friend in my heart with no intention to actually fulfill that promise.

Response:
"Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made." -Psalm 145:13

Mini-lie 2:
There is no chance for me to meet someone. My life has no opportunities for positive friendships and relationships to develop.

Response:
In Matthew 15:29-39, Jesus fed four thousand, while in a remote location with no access to additional food, from seven loaves of bread and a few small fish. "They all ate and were satisfied. Afterward the disciples picked up seven basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over." 
From this story, we can clearly see that Christ can make anything possible!

Mini-lie 3:
I'm too old and missed the boat. Everyone has their friends and relationships developed so there is no hope for me.

Response:
In Genesis 21:1-7, the Lord blessed Sarah with pregnancy in her old age. Her husband Abraham was a hundred years old! "'Sarah said, "God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me." And she added, "Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? Yet I have borned him a son in his old age."
From this story, we can clearly see that Jesus doesn't place an age limit on finding love and having a family.

Mini-lie 4:
I am not strong enough in faith, not educated enough, not attractive enough, etc. for anyone to want to spend time with me. I'm essentially inadequate and undeserving of love.

Response:
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." -Psalm 139:13-14
...and...
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." -1 Timothy 4:12
From these verses, we can clearly see that Christ has created all of us with beauty and care. He intends for us to be valued, no matter how young/old, skilled/unskilled, or weak/strong we might feel.

Mini-lie 5:
I am too shy to even talk to people. How am I going to fall in love, let alone form meaningful friendships, if I can't even hold a conversation?

Response:
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:13


That's just a short list of all of the related issues that can tie into the "big fat lie". If you cannot personally relate, I think it is fairly safe to say that you will meet someone with these thoughts or have already met someone with these feelings.

With that in mind, remember that God placed a desire for intimacy, acceptance, and companionship as a model for how He wants to relate to us. God will always be our companion, our life partner, and our supporter. His grace and love are endless. 

Seeking Him is the perfect way to learn how to love and how to see ourselves the way He sees us. Pursuing Christ not only gives us contentment in our present scenario, but also in the future to come:

"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." -1 Timothy 4:8

Take a moment to realize your value and acceptance with Christ, as well as the importance of seeking a relationship with Him before pursuing relationships with others. You are never alone, as long as you accept Jesus into your life.

Let Jesus worry about your love story and friendships. Keep yourself open to hear His guidance and He will lead you down paths you never could have imagined on your own.

Between a Thought and a Hard Place

God sure knows how to push our buttons. He never said following Him would be comfortable, but good golly does it push me past my comfort zone at times!

I know God is my rock, which I guess puts me "between a rock and a hard place." The scenario I experienced last night, however, more accurately put me "between a thought and a hard place." 

I literally could not fall asleep. Although I had been through a long day of some difficult RA and friend scenarios, my body randomly decided midnight was the perfect time for an energy burst. Oh great...

Then it got better (or worse, depending which way you spin it). As I was laying in bed, I started getting all antsy inside for no good reason. A thought popped in my head to reach out to someone, regarding Jesus, with whom I really did not know all that well. 

I do not do well with random social interaction and middle-of-the-night calls to spread the word of Jesus. It is not comfortable for someone like me, who is slightly introverted and still not totally sure about how to have random conversations about Jesus with people besides close friends. 

My thoughts were going crazy with ideas like "this is just my mind wandering", "I really don't know what to say", "I'm going to seem like such a creep", and so on.

Then God, as He always does, answered my prayers for clarity. He sure is good at that! He made it almost mindless for me to know what to say, the hardest part was just having the courage to type it and send it. Literally every concern I had, He had an answer that pushed me closer and closer to sending the message. 

So I did. 

As soon as I hit the send button, it was like a wave of peace came over my previously anxious and on-edge body. Can't say I've had anything that drastic happen spiritually before, but it sure was amazing! 

God is truly remarkable with how He can guide us to follow His will. Thoughts can become actions and I've quickly learned from this unusual experience that when God places a thought in our head, it is a good idea to take action with it! Whether it helps someone, pushes you into deeper relationship with Him, or simply teaches how to listen to His guidance, it is totally worth the awkward, anxious feelings it might bring in the process. 

God is the best reason to break social norms, so the next time you are stuck "between a thought and a hard place", know that God is placing you in that situation for a reason. You might not know why; what matters is that you trust in His guidance.

And with that, goodnight blog world!

Accepting the Uncomfortable Truth

I'm not one to keep up with the news on a regular basis, but I came across a story about Kim Jong-un of North Korea and it breaks my heart. Check it out:

Kim Jong-un Calls for Execution of 33 Christians

The title says it all. Here I am, sitting in America with Bibles, devotionals, television programs, churches, handwritten journals, and more resources for practicing and deepening my faith, when across the world people are being killed for pursuing the same religious beliefs. Reading the story of how those involved in the underground churches are being put to death is a sober reminder of how fortunate and blessed I am to live in a place where my freedom to participate in Christianity is not only allowed, but encouraged. 

I walk across my college campus to see flyers and advertisements for Christian organizations. I have access to a Facebook page specifically for my small group. I can write and post this blog without any fears of being physically threatened. Those are all experiences I took for granted, until a story of a different situation was placed on my radar. Sure, every now and then I sit and think about how fortunate I am, but it basically takes something drastic, like this story about those in North Korea, to make me truly appreciate the freedom I have. 

A lot of times, I've been scared to take the minuscule risk of going to church by myself or attending a church event without a friend by my side. It doesn't make sense-- why am I worrying over mere introvert-related issues of feeling socially uncomfortable when there are people who literally die to have the experience in other parts of the world? Yet the more I think and read about this huge difference in freedom, the more I realize I'm never going to have all the answers. 

I'm not going to know why I was born here and why those people were born there. I'm probably going to keep having those occasional, uncalled-for feelings of anxiety, even though my situation gives me plenty of freedom to have comfort in practicing my religion. Those are concerns that do not sit well, but regardless, they exist. I just have to keep faith that God is going to use all of us, no matter where we live or what struggles we have, to help others and to forward His kingdom.

It's an uncomfortable truth, but is necessary for a Christian to accept in order to pursue a walk with God. Realizing not everyone is in the same situation, yet we are all a part of His plan to forward the kingdom, is a difficult pill to swallow. And as Mary Poppins said in her catchy song, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down; in this case, that spoonful of sugar is a full dose of scripture:

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1

I read an article a few days ago about the power of memorizing verses to refer to in times of need, doubt, and teaching. Hebrews 11:1 is going onto my list of verses to memorize because it is the perfect response to the big "Why...?" questions. "Why am I so fortunate when others are not?", "Why do my worries seem so big when they are really so small?", and "Why do people have to experience suffering?" can all be answered with the powerful words of God. Faith answers those questions because Christ cares and is making all work for good, even when we cannot see how everything fits together in life.

Accepting the uncomfortable truth of not having answers comes down to a basic answer-- faith. That answer is the core of Christianity and can provide so much comfort, strength, and assurance in a walk with God. We might not have all the answers, but God says we can have confidence in Him. I pray that all of you can take a piece of confidence with you, wherever in the world your walk with God may lead.